he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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