What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
