break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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