i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think your dad took our porno
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
