I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
