Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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