one might say we're banned from that church
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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