their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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