Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This is not my ceiling
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
