he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
