btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
