I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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