porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
