yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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