Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
