You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
