I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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