fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
