When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
