im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
