Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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