Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
