wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
