I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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