you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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