i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
