when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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