i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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