You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
