i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
