Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
