If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
