Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
