Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
