I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
