if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
