Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
