it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
