Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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