i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
