Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
