I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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