No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
