Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
