If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
