Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
