drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
