my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
