the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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