i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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